I Won't Let Go.

I have always been one to relate to music.  Today I heard the song “I Won’t Let Go” by Rascal Flatts.  I immediately thought of Ashton and this path that we are on together.  This song truly touched my heart today.  As tears trailed slowly down my cheeks, I took this song to heart in two unique ways.

God has given me this amazing gift, a gift that has taught me more than I ever would have thought possible.  God not only sees how much of a blessing and joy Ashton is to me; He also knows my struggles, the pain, the heartache and my incessant worries.  He knows there are very dark days where I feel lost, helpless, hopeless and alone.  This song reminds me that even on the darkest and hardest days, even when I feel so alone…..I’M NOT.  He won’t let go!   

This song is also a declaration from me to Ashton.  Words can’t express how proud I am of my little guy; he works incredibly hard each and every day on things that come so naturally to most other children.  I know we have quite a journey ahead of us but I am here; here to love, support, comfort, encourage, and fight the fight…advocating for him.

I love you, Ashton.  Mommy is so proud of you and how far you have come.  I know some days are so much harder for you than other days.  I know you want so badly to be able to tell me what’s going on, I see it in your eyes.  I know we have some hard days ahead but I just want you to know that I am here.  You’re not alone.  I will stand by you.  I will help you through.  When you’ve done all you can do and you can’t cope; I will dry your eyes.  I promise to fight your fight.  I will hold you tight and I won’t let go!

First Love?

Ashton rides in a county car to and from school, instead of a typical bus.  There are two to three other children that ride in the vehicle as well.  Beth, our driver, told me the cutest story that I have to share. 

Yesterday afternoon Ashton’s aide fastened him into his car seat; a little later the 4 year old little girl that rides in the car seat next to him was buckled in.  As soon as she was in her seat, Ashton took her hand, held it with his and lifted it to block the sunlight that was coming into the car shining brightly into his eyes.  He then let her hand go and she put it back down in her lap.  A few seconds later, he looked at her and took her hand again, this time just holding it in his. They sat there holding hands all the way home.  How cute is that?!

Thanks Mrs. Beth, for sharing this story with me as well as being an awesome driver!!  We love you!

Long Time, No See!

Ok, so I have been MIA for a little while.  I really want to keep this going so let’s play some “catch up”.

Updates:

Kayleigh - It’s really amazing how far this little girl has come in the last couple of months.  She is now singing her alphabet (not 100% accurate, but it’s a working progress); She is requesting a lot now even without verbal prompts, which is awesome (drink, snack, she will even request kisses); her vocabulary is steadily growing; She can name and make the sound for about 20 animals; She has finally started correctly identifying body parts (eyes, nose, mouth, hair, ears, tummy, foot); She is labeling things like crazy.  As I am typing this I hear her in her room saying “eyes, nose, mouth” to which I am guessing she is identifying body parts on one of her stuffed animals, which she loves to do (all the time).  It’s really too cute to watch.  Maybe I will get a video and put it on here soon.

I would like to also note for the record, that she said “I love you” to me before bed this week.  I can’t describe how that felt.  I know both of my babies love me beyond any doubt in the world, but hearing those three little words did something to me in that moment.  Did I cry?  Do I even have to answer that one? haha

Ashton – My little guy is doing his thing.  Last night when he was done with his dinner, he said “all done” and did the sign!!!  Did I cry..omg YES, I did.  He amazes me every single day, he is a trooper for sure.  During a recent conference with Ashton’s teacher I was told that in a 30 minute session they have recorded as many as 20 random words from him.  That just blows my mind.  He is loving singing and will request for you to sing his favorite song to him by saying “winkle winkle”, which of course is Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.  He even sings along.  I catch him singing and saying things all the time but they are ALWAYS on his terms. Hehe 

I am really going to try and make an effort to keep this blogging thing up.  Not only is it nice to look back on the progress of the kids, but it’s just nice to write sometimes. 

I did notice that I have some new followers, welcome.  Hope you are enjoying it here. =)

What Ashton CAN do.

It’s easy to focus on what your child can’t do when you are faced with the day to day challenges of Autism.  Today I want to celebrate what Ashton CAN do and how far he has come since he started school last January.

Ashton can sit during meals with minimal supervision.  He eats with a fork and spoon successfully.   He can pull up his pants with a verbal prompt and assist with parts of his dressing routine.  He brushes his teeth with minimal assistance.  He gives “high fives”.  He will walk while holding your hand with minimal resistance, which has helped tremendously with his darting and running.  He can follow simple one step routine directions; such as throwing things in the trash and hanging up his book bag.   He can throw, kick and catch a ball.  He imitates actions/movements to songs.  He is matching the names of his classmates to their pictures.   He participates and takes turns in circle time with minimal support.  He is starting to say some spontaneous words and will echoic a few.  Every night before bed he will say “night, night”   as a cue for me to open his bedroom door for bedtime.  He is playing with his toys in a more appropriate way and has even acquired some pretend play skills.  He will actually let me read to him now.  He is interested in the pictures in books and is beginning to understand that the words on the page have meaning.  He will give hugs and kisses with a verbal prompt.  He also now enjoys coloring and drawing.  He can rote count from 1-20 and can identify some numbers.  He can say his alphabet and can identify some letters and letter sounds.  He knows some shapes and colors. 

It’s really difficult to establish a baseline for all Ashton knows and has learned because once he masters something he gets bored with it.  I am extremely proud of my little guy and how much he has learned, overcome, grown and matured in these last 12 months.  I am excited to see what this next year brings; with God all things are possible.    

Self-Discipline

Kayleigh has been throwing her food on the floor, when she is finished, for as long as I can remember.  She is two now and is old enough to know better.  We have been working with “all done” and setting her things to the side when she is finished.  When that fails, I have been making her clean up the mess when time permits.  These seemed to have almost put a stop to the food/dish/cup/utensil throwing (for a day or two at a time at least).  She has started again, with a new twist.  Now when she has eaten all that she wants, she will throw everything on the floor and promptly yell a variation of “KAYLEIGH”, “Kayleigh, uh oh”, or my favorite “Kayleigh, NO!”  She will then keep repeating it until I address the situation.  The first time she did it I couldn’t help but laugh.  You know you have been there, when you know the last thing you should be doing is laughing at a disciplinary situation but you can’t help it.  Well yeah, now she does it and smiles looking for her daddy or me to start laughing.  She reminds me a lot of my sister in that regard.  All she had to do was get my mom to laugh when she was in trouble and she was off the hook.  Kayleigh is taking after Aunt Shawna. ;)    

On the positive side, it seems she is finally gaining a sense of self which is one of her areas of delay.  She is loving school.  Her vocabulary is picking up like crazy.  She is addressing her brother by name, which is something new.  It’s so cute to hear her say “Ashton”.  Don’t ask her to say frog though….it totally sounds like another four letter word that begins with the letter “F”.  YIKES!

Oh The Joys

What do cows, baby birds and flies have in common?  Vomit…I don’t do vomit, plain and simple.  I hate it, despise it…I will do anything in my power not to myself, no matter how sick I feel.  The whole “puke, you will feel better” uhhh, NO … Alka-Seltzer, please?  What’s worse than your own?  Cleaning someone else’s, yes that includes my flesh and blood.  It may sound strange, but I would much rather clean up anything else the kids can possibly come up with.  I do realize that this aversion may stem from the childhood trauma of having to clean up my own puke when I was sick.  My mom couldn’t handle cleaning it but I don’t blame her one bit….now.  Although, it seems as though she can clean the grandkids puke all day long…how fair is that?

Anyway, there are obviously times where I have to put on my “big girl panties” and deal.  Last night was one of those times.  Who doesn’t love 2am puke clean up?  You see, Ashton has a very VERY sensitive gag reflex.   Even the slightest runny nose causes him to have coughing fits which usually result in gagging and vomiting.   FUN STUFF let me tell you.  So, I enter his room at about 2am to find a half asleep little boy practically laying in the results of his latest coughing fit.  He takes me coming into his room as a cue that it’s time to get ready for school.  He groggily exits his room and goes to sit in his chair in the kitchen, patiently waiting for his breakfast.  That at least gave me time to strip his bed and replace his sheets and blankets; then came the sponge bath, clean diaper and clean Pj’s.  On a positive note, I am so glad he was able to fall back asleep fairly quickly once he realized it wasn’t time for school yet.

Dear Vomit,

Good Riddance!  I hope I don’t hear from you again for a very long time.

Up Yours,

Brandi

Me Time!

After a week of non-snowy snow days, broken routines, grumpy children, a traffic ticket and stress all around; I am ready to start my week fresh.  However, I would like to petition that winter be over this year.  Who would I take that up with?  I am done with ice, snow and cancelled school.  Last week made me realize a huge change that I need in my life, STAT! 

Every parent knows how hard it is to get that coveted “time”, when you have kids constantly demanding every last ounce of your time and undivided attention.  By time . . . I’m talking about rejuvenation time, quiet time, alone time, personal time, self-care time . . . “ME-TIME”!  I have recently decided that I need to start having “me-time”.  God, that sounds so selfish.   I hate to admit it, but there are days I don’t even get a freaking shower.  Everyone needs “me-time”, I am not going to mope and get all emotional or feel guilty for not spending every last second with my children.  I am going to accept any offers to watch the children from their father or any other competent caring creature.  Even if I am just sitting alone in my bathtub soaking in the warm bubbly water with a good book, by God I am getting some “me-time”.    

Silent Prayers

Startled by a sound I assumed was coming from Ashton’s bedroom, I opened his door tonight expecting to see him still awake jumping on his bed or kicking the wall (which is not uncommon).  However, what I found was a sleeping angel.    His breathing was rhythmic and deep, his still body relaxed and calm.  After quite some time had passed, I realized I was just standing there watching my perfect little boy sleep.  I remained there for quite a while, just watching, observing, and enjoying the peace and stillness.  Silent prayers of praise, thanksgiving and hopefulness soon began rising from that tranquil room. 
 
There is something so touching about watching children sleep.  Since the day I brought mine home, I have always found joy in the simplicity of watching them peacefully sleep. 

Too often I find myself caught up in the routine of life, the stresses of the day to day and after a Monday that felt like nothing could go right, my day ends reflecting on the gifts that God has given me.  These moments may not come as often as they should and sometimes I wonder if I was the right choice but I am truly grateful beyond words that God hand-picked me to be Ashton’s (and Kayleigh's) mommy.

Baby Ashton

Today’s Menu: Take it or Leave it!

I would like to start by saying I despise cooking.  It is probably mainly due to the fact that I suck at it and have absolutely no imagination when it pertains to cooking.  My mom always gave the cooking lessons to my sister, who I will be the first to tell you, is an excellent cook just like mom is.  I can, however, follow a simple recipe as well as make routine things that are somewhat edible. 

For last night’s dinner, I tried something that I had never attempted before.   No, it’s not just the fact that I cooked (although surprising)!   Most of you chef type mothers out there will probably just roll your eyes BUT, this is an accomplishment for me.  Granted, it was a meal in a slow cooker…go ahead laugh.  You have to start somewhere, right?  I made vegetable beef stew without a recipe and it was more than edible…it was delicious!!  I still hate cooking, don’t get me wrong…I just don’t suck at it as much as I thought I did.

I totally should have played the lotto!!

Kayleigh’s latest “thing” is counting…well numbers in general.  I find myself feeling like an extra on the set of Sesame Street at times.  I gave birth to Count Von Count ,“One little bat..ah ah ah”.  My mom calls her the “counting queen”.  She is obsessed and I mean OBSESSED with it..Not only rote counting but just spouting random numbers all day long. 

A couple days ago Kayleigh starts muttering numbers (which has been very typical lately) “one…toooo…fwee…twenyfowe…tirtyseeiix…ninynyeeee“ WHAT?   99…really?  I need to start writing these down, she might be on to something here.  Mega Millions here I come!!

On a more serious note, yesterday morning my baby girl did something I had never seen her do.  She was flipping through one of my magazines on the couch beside me and turned to a page with an advertisement on it.  The price of the item was $24.99 in somewhat large print.  She pointed to the 2 and said…”twooooo” (awe cute, what a cute coincidence) then pointed to the 4…”fowwee” (Is it possible? No way…crazy coincidence) then was the “Nyeeee”.  Ok, this girl might really know her numbers.  I didn’t have the time to really test that, as I had to get her to school.  However, as soon as she woke up from her afternoon nap, I broke out the flash cards.  I will note that these are the same exact flash cards that I use with Ashton, the same cards that she has cried and screamed about every single time I try and use them with her.  This time she not only enjoyed our flash card session, but correctly identified every single number 1-10 in sequence first then out of sequence.  It was not a fluke; she can not only count but can correctly identify numbers 1-10.  I am so proud of my counting queen, Kayleigh Von Count.  =)